Let Us Now Praise Famous Men.

I was in Michigan Stadium for opening day 2009 against Western Michigan. After a completely demoralizing 3-9 in Rich Rodriguez' first season, Tate Forcier had already, on Michigan's first possession, shown the fans what the spread 'n' shred could do. It was quick, it was scary...it worked on the ground and through the air. During that possession, Forcier faked a give, rolled left, and, improvising, waved his receiver up the sideline and hit him on the numbers. "That," I said to anyone around who would listen, "is what a spread can do with a guy that can run it."

Sometime in the second quarter, Forcier came out with Michigan somewhere around the WMU, and in came a skinny kid with dreadlocks. The scuttlebutt was that the kid, while raw, could fly, and it didn't take long to show it off. Shotgun snap, a self-recovered fumble, and he was in the end zone, and it really seemed that quick. Later that season, my friend Chip would make fun of me for saying that Denard Robinson had "electrifying" speed, and you couldn't really blame him; he was obviously very fast, but he was so raw, and struggled so much with the offense and basic reads in the running game, that he never got in the open field enough to really see it. There were flashes - with Forcier injured (or was he ineffective?) against Iowa, Denard nearly pulled it out before throwing a killer interception during a last-ditch drive late. He was clearly #2, though.

The next season - Rodriguez' third - Robinson played well in the spring game, and it was hard to not wonder if he might be turning the corner. He was - his coming out party was a 200/200 game against Notre Dame. His reads had improved, and once defenses realized that they had to commit a safety to stop him, Michigan also had wideouts open all over the field. His occasional lack of accuracy didn't hurt when his guy had ten yards on anyone on the field. He ran, he passed, he was electrifying.

The best part? He seemed to be a genuinely nice kid; always smiling, never a single whiff of trouble, an enthusiastic teammate. He, famously, showed up for basketball games and jumped in to the student section with both feet. Wore the "Maize Rage" T, did the ridiculous arm waving, and smiled and smiled and smiled. He was a poor African-American kid from semi-rural Florida, and he went to HOCKEY GAMES. Seriously, he was impossible not to love.

The partnership with Rodriguez seemed a perfect marriage of system and player. Rodriguez offense never, EVER just ran a play - it was constantly poking at the defense for weaknesses or, for that matter, strengths that could be exploited. Keep your end inside to hawk Denard? Fine - hand it off to Brandon Minor inside and take the DE out of the play. Crash your OLB inside to cut off Minor? Okay, here's an inverted veer, and you're dead. It was a thing of beauty, and Denard was a perfect trigger. But Rodriguez had no idea how to hire a defensive coordinator, and he had to go.

Enter Brady Hoke, and enter Al Borges. Hoke would never run a spread, but maybe...well, Borges was OC for Jason Campbell, right? And he was a black guy who could run a little bit, right? Maybe it will work out.

It didn't. Borges (and probably Hoke) could never stop themselves from putting Denard Robinson under center and having him TURN HIS BACK ON THE DEFENSE. They had one of the best runners the school has ever produced, and they had him running backwards two steps to hand off to...who? To Thomas Rawls. To Stephen Hopkins. To Vincent Smith. To Fitzgerald Toussaint. None of them are terrible, per se (and all are guys that Rodriguez would have turned into serious contributors), but none of them, not one, will ever be remembered as runners once they are gone. I love Vincent Smith - he will always be a favorite of mine - but every time they gave it to him instead of letting Denard run it was like setting a possession on fire.

Which isn't to say that the years have been bad, or that Denard hasn't been a pleasure to watch. He has been, every single play he has been on the field. He will always be one my favorite Michigan players. Always, always, always. I just wish we'd gotten to see him do what he do a bit more often for the last two seasons.

And now I settle down to watch his last game in maize and blue. He might play in the NFL, he might not, but I can't say that I care that much. I will look back on his time in Ann Arbor with some sadness about what might have been, but mostly with fondness. That smile, man.

So long, Denard, and good luck. Thanks for being a Michigan Man.

Hall of Fame - Class of 2013, Part 4.

Sammy Sosa - A warning - this one is going to really piss me off.

After he signed with the White Sox at age 17, Sammy Sosa spent parts of four seasons in the minor leagues.  His career highs in those seasons:  .285 AVE, .336 OBP, .429 SLG.  11 HR (ELEVEN).  59 RBI.  42 Walks.  Look, I get it.  He was a skinny kid from the Dominican.  Fine.  But there was zero indication that he would turn into a major power hitter.

In his first six years in the majors, he hit .253, had an OBP of .300, and slugged .437, with 95 HR and 304 RBI.  Per 162 games, to that point:  82 runs, 24 HR, 75 RBI, 35 BB, 144 SO.  At that point he was generally described alternately as "disappointing" and "frustrating."

Then, in 1995, he turned the corner and became a big-time hitter for the next 9 seasons:  .289 / .369 / .595.  54 HR / 138 RBI per 162 games, with constant and consistent appearances in the MVP voting.  The guy could flat-out hit, and the numbers say he absolutely belongs in the Hall.

But to me, Sammy Sosa - like Mark McGwire - is a guy whose HOF case is based entirely on the performance boost he made after he started on PEDs, and I honestly don't know how you can say otherwise, although I should say I can see the case for him possibly turning in a HOF career:  if you take his first six seasons, and project them, you can probably get to 350-400 homers, maybe .280 lifetime, really good SB totals, maybe 2000 hits.  No way you get to 600, but that's a fringe candidate.

But there's more to it than that - I put the line for his leap at his first All-Star season...if you put it 2 years earlier, his career high in homers was fifteen.  FIFTEEN.  Project that out, and you're probably under 200 homers and done by 32.  No damn way he's in, not on my ballot.  Verdict - out, out, out.

Curt Schilling
Another warning, I may stray into personal attacks here.

At his peak(s) Schilling was as good as there was, just superb.  A hoss when healthy, he struck people out, ate up innings, shut teams down completely, had very good control for a strikeout guy, and was fantastic in the postseason...some say he was as good a postseason pitcher as anyone, ever (they overstate, but not by as much as I would usually suggest), including a great performance on a just-surgeried ankle in one of the guttiest performances ever.  Won 20 three times.  Had 20 shutouts, which isn't a lot historically but matches Roy Halladay - the active leader's - total.  A terrific pitcher, no question about it.

The career numbers are not spectacular, but it should be noted that baseball, throughout its history, has asked starting pitchers to do less and less and less.  Every generation's pitchers do less than those from the previous, and this has never changed, not once.  So Schilling's career totals - while very good - simply don't match up to most HOF pitchers.  I used the "when healthy" caveat earlier, and Schilling did lose a few seasons to injury, which hurts him, too...But his totals aren't elite, really, not by most measures, although his 216 wins would put him 3rd among active pitchers.  So far, so good.

So - with all that out of the way, Curt Schilling is a colossal douchebag.  A self-righteous loudmouth, way too in love with this sound of his own voice, not nearly as clever as he thinks, and, worst of all, not a great teammate (his chickenshit face-hiding while Mitch Williams pitched in the 93 World Series is classic, and typical, Schilling).

I also have major doubts that the infamous sock is legit.

And, with all THAT out of the way - what keeps him out on my ballot is not the career record, not the relentless nonstop douchebaggery, but the crappy years.  As a starter, he had several great seasons - 16-7, 17-11, a great 15-14 (he might've won a Cy Young with his line in another season), 15-6, 22-6, 23-7, 21-6.  But he also had seasons of 2-8, 7-5, 9-10, 11-12, 8-9, 8-8, and 9-8.  There are very few truly great pitchers who've had that many lousy-to-mediocre seasons.  Verdict - out, barely.  Just barely.

Craig Biggio - an obvious Hall of Famer; the "wow, he never struck me as a HOFer" people are being willfully ignorant.  3000 hits (plus another 1400 times on base via BB and HBP), 1800 runs, 400 SB, 650 doubles, almost 300 HR, four Gold Gloves...the guy did everything, and as a second baseman.  Of his top ten comps, seven are in (Jeter will be, of course, and the other two are Lou Whitaker and Johnny Damon).  He's almost over-qualified.  Verdict - In.  OBVIOUSLY.

Next up?  The Arguments.

Hall of Fame - Class of 2013, part 3

On to the first-timers with more of a case...probably should have included Kenny Lofton on this post, but whatever.

Shawn Green - a weird case.  Had some pretty good numbers that, had he stuck around longer (he was done at 34), might have piled up and gotten him in, particularly during the PED era.  As it was, he looked on track for a HOF-type career at 26:  He was coming off a 972 OPS season in Toronto with 45 doubles, 42 homers, 123 RBI, 134 Runs, 20 stolen bases, Gold Glove...and went to the Dodgers as the #1 free agent in his class, where he was just average for a season, at the worst possible team.  Had he been great in that first Dodger season, he would have stayed in the public consciousness, but fans kinda forgot about him at that point, as they sometimes do.  He then had two really terrific seasons, but that was essentially the end of his time as an elite player.  His HOF case boils down to 4 seasons, which were undeniably fabulous, but that's it.  He always seemed like a reluctant star, somehow, which feeds into a pet theory of mine.  So, so many players would have been better served by staying out of the huge markets and would have had better careers by staying out on the fringes a bit.  Who knows - maybe Toronto would have served his makeup better, and he could have flogged them past the Yankees or Bosox once or twice, and he'd be a mythic player in their history.  Instead, he's just another guy that played for some so-so Dodger teams.  Verdict - out.

Julio Franco - Another weird case, to an absurd degree.  Julio Franco was a really, really good hitter, but he was never great...he never had much power, (not even doubles power), had good but not great speed, never had a lot plate discipline so wasn't a great leadoff hitter and wasn't much of a run scorer or RBI guy.  What he did was put his bat on the ball.  For a really, really, long time:

• After the 1994 strike, at 36, he signed to play in Japan for a season.  Seemed like he was done, but he hit like crazy, won the Japanese Gold Glove, and came back to Cleveland.
  
• After he hit .241 for the Brewers as a 38-year old, he again signed in Japan, and again seemed like he was done, but he hit .423 in Mexico as a 40-year-old, then played a season in South Korea and another in Mexico. 
• Seemed like he was done, as in "41-year-old-done."
  
• But he signed with the Braves in 2001 as a 42-year-old, and played for seven more seasons - and hit in every one of them - until he "retired" at 48.  I suspect he's still playing in Turkey under an assumed name.  I really hope that's true.

In any case, the guy could always hit, and because he stuck around so long was able to get to almost 2600 hits (it should also be noted - counting his time in Mexico and Korea and Japan, he's well over 4000.  FOUR THOUSAND), but that just isn't enough to get him in.  Verdict - out.

David Wells - was also pretty good for a long time, and paradoxically, his career W-L (239-157) would probably get him in if he'd played less...but it took him 21 seasons to get there.  Had a couple of certifiably great seasons - 18-4 with 5 shutouts for a World Series winner, 20-8 with 9 complete games for a good Blue Jays team.  Looked like he was done at least twice but revived enough to pitch until he was 44.  Didn't strike many people out, but didn't walk them, either.  Durable, a real inning-eater.  Had a perfect game, but was never really dominant, even at his very best.  He's got the surroundings of a HOF career, but he just never had the meat.  Most-comparable are Andy Pettite and Kenny Rogers, both of which seem about right.  Verdict - out.

Not a Hall of Famer.

Hall of Fame, Class of 2013 Part 2

Kenny Lofton - Again, he never struck me as a HOFer. A terrific, championship-level player, yes, but Hall of Famer, no. Could run like crazy, drew a walk, an excellent center fielder (although I was surprised to see he'd only won four Gold Gloves - in my head, he was one of those every-year, automatic winners. Guess it was hard to do it with guys like Griffey and Devon White and Kirby Puckett around). He did get 2400 hits, which is a lot, and stole 600 bases, which is A Lot. He also played for ELEVEN teams, which tells me that, while he was good, nobody ever really saw him as completely indispensible. If they didn't, I don't either…Verdict - Out.

On to the first-timers. As always, it's easy to make fun of some guys on the ballot...guys who are so clearly not HOFers that to even make a case of them seems silly. But hey, you play 10 seasons, you get one last mention. Some I'll quickly skip, because I frankly don't have much to say about them:

• Todd Walker
• Mike Stanton
  
• Jeff Conine
  
• Aaron Sele
• Rondell White
  
• Woody Williams (an aside - I had absolutely no recollection of this guy...he actually pitched for 17 seasons. A classic LaRussa guy, a mediocre inning-eater with a 4.00 ERA and 14 wins.)
  
• Jeff Cirillo
• Royce Clayton - got struck out by Dennis Quaid in The Rookie, which I liked quite a bit. Other than that, meh.

Two deserve mention as part of larger conversations: Jose Mesa and Roberto Hernandez saved, respectively, 321 and 326 games, good for 13th and 14th all-time. That they are among the best all-time in anything is a) annoying as hell and b) points out how weird relief pitching has become. Neither of these two guys - both profoundly mediocre pitchers who had a single great year and milked another dozen seasons out of a bunch of teams - should ever, ever, ever have been considered the best pitchers in baseball...but because of the way they were used, they piled up flashy stats in non-critical situations: small lead, but nobody on base and no more than a single inning. Blech.

A few guys were good players for a long time but were never really considered elite players:

• Ryan Klesko
• Sandy Alomar (I remember him being a higher-profile player, but only had four seasons of over 100 games played. Weird.)
• Reggie Sanders
• Steve Finley (although I will say this - as I wrote this, I had him confused with Chuck Finley, who was also pretty good but never great...so I looked him up and, once I realized who I was talking about, I gave a look, and STEVE was a really, really good player.  Scored a bunch of runs, could run, excellent fielder, had some pop, very durable, showed up in a couple of MVP votes.  Closest comp is Vada Pinson, who was also pretty good.  He wasn't great, but you could definitely win a championship with him playing center field and leading off...he's not a HOFer, but he's closer to it than anyone on this list.  Thanks, Steve.  You done good.)
  

Okay: next up, the first-year guys worth an argument...

Hall of Fame, Class of 2013.

It’s coming.

Another round of “What about the CHILDREN” baseball columns.  How, in heaven’s name, can we possibly induct steroid users into the Church of Cooperstown?  But they’re coming, make no mistake.  There’s no way to keep them out.  Most importantly, we (yes, “we”) shouldn’t try.  Some of them clearly belong among the all-time greats in baseball history.  Not based on their numbers, because those were really silly, but based on the fact that they were the best players in baseball while they were active, or considered the among the best at their positions, or any of the other criteria we use to “define” a HOFer.  I think I’ve written before – it’s a gut-check for me, anyway.

But time grows short, and this may be obsolete before I even post it, but here goes.  First, the guys who re-appear on the ballot this year, in order of their vote last year:

Jack Morris – he always seemed like a HOFer while he was active.  Consistent, a bulldog, a central role on a great team.  Made a few runs at Cy Young Awards (although he never won one), won 20 three times, led the league in SOs and Wins a couple of times.  Generally considered an elite pitcher while he was active.  2nd most similar pitcher is Bob Gibson (but let’s be honest here – the similarity is primarily due to W/L record, and Gibson was a killer strikeout pitcher.  Morris threw hard, but not to Gibby’s level.  I think most of the similarity is due to their similar levels of assholery). Cons – 1st most similar pitcher is Denny Martinez.  Was great, but never once had that towering single season where he just mowed people down – was never his style.  Think Cris Carpenter or Andy Pettite.  Verdict – out.  Barely.

A postscript on Jack Morris:  Joe Posnanski has been killing it this week, and he wrote a long blog post about Morris that hits a solid point for me:  He agrees, generally, that Morris is not a HOFer by the current “standards”, but he also says that it won’t bother him if he gets in.  I agree 100% - He’s not the best pitcher not in the Hall, but I’ll be happy for him and my Tiger fan friends (which are legion) when he gets in.  He (along with Parrish, and Whitaker, and Trammell, and Kirk Gibson) was a lead dog on one of the best teams of my lifetime, and that team will always be under-represented in the Hall, because those guys all fell just short of immortality.  Morris is the closest, so hey, let ‘er rip.  But I wouldn’t have him on my ballot.

Jeff Bagwell – A tremendous hitter for a long period of time, won a Rookie of the Year and an MVP before the PEDs got too crazy.  1994 season is one of my favorite statistical lines of all time – hit .368 (in the ASTRODOME), 39 HR, 104 runs, 116 RBI, stole 15 bases, .451 On-base.  Four fifty one.  He even won the Gold Glove (although let’s be honest here – a great example of why the GG is completely silly).  Had some really spectacular seasons that didn’t include a silly number of HRs but did include a ton of runs scored and walks.  Could even run a bit.  In the MVP race several times.  Cons – hit 449 HR, 2314 hits.  Getting to 475 or 2800 hits would make his case a lot more air-tight.  Verdict – in.  It bums me out that he’s not in before all the crazy PED guys start stealing the oxygen, because they might take the spotlight.

Lee Smith – real good numbers, but he just never struck me as a HOFer.  There were always five guys I’d rather have, even in his best seasons, and I have this feeling that he never pulled it out in critical situations, which may be entirely invented on my part.  Verdict – out.

Tim Raines – Jonah Keri thinks that Raines is the great forgotten talent of his generation, which is a) sorta true, and b)but only sorta.  He was terrific, obviously…had a good long career, stole a ton of bases, scored a ton of runs, was the second-best leadoff hitter of his era (okay, maybe the third, with Wade Boggs around), stole a ton of bases, was an okay fielder, stole a ton of bases.  I’m not convinced – you could definitely win a World Series with him playing a key role, and he did have a wide range of skills, but – again, he never had that blaze-across-the-sky season that removed all doubt.  He finished in the top 10 in MVP voting three times.  His most-similar player is Lou Brock, who is in the HOF but probably wouldn’t be if he hadn’t reached 3000 hits.  The rest of them are guys like Kenny Lofton and Max Carey and Johnny Damon and Willie Davis.  Carey is in, but I can’t honestly explain why.  Verdict – Out.

Alan Trammell – a good player, but I will never understand why he’s in the conversation but Lou Whitaker isn’t.  A good player, but never, not once, considered the best player in baseball.  Or the best player on his team.  Or the best shortstop in baseball.  Verdict – out.

Edgar Martinez – see Trammell, Alan.  Good, but not great – the only thing in his favor is that there was discussion during his career as to whether he was the best DH ever, which in my opinion is like being the best long reliever – it’s proof that they are good, but also proof that they don’t have a wide base of skills.  In Martinez’ case, he couldn’t field, and he was one of the worst baserunners ever.  In my memory, anyway.  But boy, could he hit.  Verdict – out.

Fred McGriff – sorta ditto.  Good, nearly great…some really terrific seasons, finished with 493 HR and 2490 hits – if he’d gotten to 500 and 2500 he’d probably be in already.  First four comparables are Stargell, and McCovey, Bagwell, and Frank Thomas, which is fast company and pushes him over the line for me.  Verdict – in.  Barely.

Larry Walker – I was stunned to see that he got 22% of the vote in 2011, his third season on the ballot.  He was a good hitter for a few years, won an MVP once, flirted with .400 once (didn’t he?), but his big seasons were in Colorado.  And they were in Colorado.  I don’t know, I feel like he was just a more-disciplined version of Dante Bichette.  And Dante Bichette ain’t gettin’ in.  Verdict – out.

Mark McGwire – ah, yes, Mark McGwire.  Cue the rant.  Mark McGwire was a pretty good offensive player before he got all streroided up…even when he hit .235, which he did in 1987, he juiced it with 116 walks, slugged .470 (a good number in those days), scored 87 runs in the center of a terrific offense.  BUT – at 28 he started breaking down and spent about three seasons unable to stay on the field.  By many accounts, this is when he really started cranking up the hypodermic needles, and boom – he suddenly stayed mostly healthy and jacked up his power numbers for five seasons, at which point he started breaking down again.  Those five years were spectacular, obviously, but without them he’s Dave Kingman or Carlos Pena.  AFTER 31, he’s Harmon Killebrew.

To me, the acid test for all of these guys is whether they were HOF material before  it got all silly, and McGwire was clearly not (until 31, his comps are guys like Nate Colbert and Cecil Fielder and – briefly – Mark Texiera).  To me, that keeps McGwire out.  Verdict – out.

Don Mattingly – one of my favorite players ever, and I loved him as a rookie, long before he became the RBI machine wrecking crew that won MVPs for lousy teams.  Love his stance, how he turned his back slightly to the pitcher and would just watch that breaking ball come in over his shoulder and into the catcher’s mitt.  Loved how he would turn on the inside fastball and just drive it all over the park.  Loved the mustache.  Loved that when he got in a groove you absolutely couldn’t get him out – I’m a big walk guy, And he was as good a hitter as there was for a few years there…but he had back problems which a) killed his power, although he was still productive, and b) ended his career when he was 34 and kept him from piling up any meaningful career numbers.  Verdict – out, sadly.

Dale Murphy – Why Jonah Keri is jazzed up about Tim Raines instead of this guy is beyond me.  Back-to-back MVPs, durable, led the league in a ton of offensive categories, multiple Gold Gloves, could run, drew a ton of walks, a great guy by all accounts.  Just a terrific all-around player…but he’s one of those guys that never quite got over the hump.  Had  five OPS over .900, but he never got to 1.000.  398 career homers.  1197 runs.  Never a great average hitter, “only” 2111 hits.  His peak, while it was very high, was six seasons – outside of those seasons, he was basically just a guy.  For some reason, I can see the hesitancy in voting him in.  Verdict – out.  barely.

Rafael Palmeiro – man, I don’t know.  He was a really good hitter for a really good long time – 3000 hits, 569 homers…I don’t know if you can keep him out.  But he’s a steroid guy, and you have to ask – would he have made it if he hadn’t done them?  Unlike in McGwire’s case, where there’s a pretty clear demarcation between “before” and “after,” Palmeiro was never terrible and never made any kind of clear leap.  He just got better, and better, and better.  In his case, it’s not that hard to imagine a HOF career from his first five seasons…a total douche, but a terrific hitter.  Verdict – In.

Bernie Williams – another personal favorite.  Won a batting title, was often mentioned as an MVP candidate, Gold Glover…but was never really the best player in baseball, let alone on his team, could run but not that much, had some pop but not a huge amount.  Scored a ton of runs, got on base, had a wide range of skills, but he misses the cut for me, and I love the guy.  Verdict – out.

So, my ballot so far:  Jeff Bagwell, Fred McGriff, Rafael Palmeiro.  Not at all what I expected...

Closers

Well, the BBHOF “Class of 2012” moment has pretty much passed, so my original intent – to go through every single person on the ballot – isn’t nearly as, you know, interesting. Or timely.

HOWEVER, there are always comings and goings in baseball that make me think of the Hall of Fame and make me want to write about baseball in general.

Mariano Rivera blew out his knee a couple weeks back, which made me think of relievers and the Hall. The current notion and usage of the “closer” has gotten completely silly. Currently, a mediocre pitcher – let’s call him “Mosay Malverde” – is brought in: a) cold from the bullpen, b) at the start of the ninth (i.e. no outs, nobody on base) and c) with a 1- or 2-run lead (i.e. a “save situation”). Once in a while, a pitcher will be brought in with the tying run on base (if a setup guy has blown a big lead), or at the start of an inning in a non-save situation, but it’s not the normal operating procedure any more. This enables closers to pile up gaudy stats – Valverde had a really nice year in 2011, obviously, but let’s not pretend he was anything remotely resembling the best pitcher in the game. He was, famously, 49 for 49 on save opportunities – make a guess how times in his 72 appearances he entered with men on base? Three. In those three games, the Tigers had leads of 5, 5, and 6 runs. He stopped a rally zero goddamn times, and people acted like he was a Cy Young candidate. He WAS a Cy Young candidate – he finished 5th in the voting, which is just mind-boggling to me.

I would bet you a hundred dollars that there were half a dozen games in which the Tigers were tied or up a run or two in the 7th or 8th and, because it wasn’t a save situation, Phil Coke or Al Albuquerque or Dan Schlereth labored away the lead while Jose Valverde sat on his fat ass in the bullpen. A quick look at baseballreference.com finds the May 11 game vs. the Twins – Coke started and gave a 3-run lead to Albuquerque in the 6th. The Twins promptly got the lead, gave it back, then got it back again before Inge tripled and scored on a bunt in the 9th; Valverde came in with a 2-run lead to start the 9th, walked the leadoff batter and got an absolutely classic Papa Grande “save.” There were probably four separate spots in the 6th, 7th, or 8th that were more critical than the 9th inning – yet Valverde never moved a muscle. The Tigers won in spite of their bullpen strategy, not because of it. (NOTE: this was written before Saturday night's fiasco, when Cabrera homered in the eighth to set up Valverde with a 1-run lead and easy save...he promptly hit two batters and walked two more to blow the save...the Tigers won with a sac fly in the bottom of the ninth to make my head asplode)

And it happens ALL THE TIME. I’m obviously being too hard on Valverde here – he’s just the local example of a dumb strategy that everyone, without exception, uses. Which returns me to Mariano Rivera. Rivera is obviously a Hall of Famer, and he’ll make it on the first ballot. What’s interesting is that his usage sorta bridges the old days, when a plus-one-inning save was far more common than it is today. In 1997, his first year as a closer, he came in in save situations with runners on base nine times and got the save in every one of them, nine for nine. He morphed into a 1-inning guy over the years, but he still does pick up the odd one-plus save now and again. Unlike, oh, EVERY SINGLE OTHER CLOSER IN THE GAME.

Bill James tried to push the Red Sox away from this a few years ago, toward a matchup- and situation-based approach, but a couple guys blew games early in April and that was all Grady Little needed to see, thank you very much. They had to get Mike Timlin in there, or something. whatever. What I don't get is why some team that's going nowhere but hs some young arms - the Pirates, for instance - doesn't try it. I'd use my position in baseball to maybe build the best bullpen EVER, rather than just blindly follow Tony Larussa.

But that's just me. In any case: Mariano Rivera = Hall of Famer. Jose Valverde and twenty other "closers" just like him could convert their next 100 save opportunities and you couldn't convince me that any of them were Hall of Famers. They just don't do enough.

Culling The Herd: The Rest of The Bs. Hopefully.

Read the original "Culling The Herd" post here.

I think the Bs might just break me, if I don’t blast out the balance in one big burst (break blast balance big burst...see what I did there?).  Seriously, how many more are there?



Booker T Jones (featuring Biz Markie), “Just A Friend” – 0 stars.  Dump it.

There have been some rap songs that I liked.  This is not one of them.  It starts with Biz Markie (not his real name, I’m guessing) saying “Booker T and Biz Markie” over and over and goes downhill from there.  I made it to the end, but I may have passed out at some point.  Blech.



Booker T Jones “Potato Hole” – 5 stars / 3 stars.

Booker T is this old African American dude who is kinda the king of the Hammond rock organ.  He made “Green Onions”, only one of the grooviest songs ever, all those years ago…I have no idea what he’s been doing since, but in 2009 he hooked up with Drive By Truckers and Neil Young for this record.  I found it via a free iTunes download of “Hey Ya,” an instrumental cover of the gigantic Outkast hit.  It is…how should I say this?  Possibly the greatest running song ever.  While the original is undeniably catchy, it’s pretty shallow and disposable.  The cover dispenses with that – it punches you in the chest quick and doesn’t stop.  It just drives and drives and drives.  I’m not kidding one bit when I say it might be the greatest running song ever.  Seriously.

The rest of the record is…okay.  I may have written this before, and if I have feel free to skip ahead, but I remember reading a Rolling Stone review of the Christine Perfect (of Fleetwood Mac) solo record that featured the forgettable “Hold Me.”  The review was that, yes, she’s got this nice voice, and she’s a pleasure as a contrast to Stevie Nicks on a Fleetwood Mac record, but a whole album of her can get, well, pretty boring.  That’s how I feel about this one – there are a couple of songs that are worth keeping as accents, but a good portion of it goes.



BR5-49, “BR5-49” – 4 stars

First of all, the band name makes me giggle.  “BR5-49” is the phone number of Junior Sample’s used car lot on the old “Hee Haw” show, which I watched when I was a kid.  I do love me some obscure pop culture references.

As to the music, it’s pretty good – a mishmash of traditional country, honkytonk, rockabilly and straight ahead boogie, something like the Mavericks or the Derailers but with less pop sensibility.  “Even If It’s Wrong” starts it out quick, and it stays with that same shuffle-ey push throughout.  “Honky Tonk Song” is a good song, and “Little Ramona Gone Hillbilly Nuts) is a great anthem to my old punk friends who’ve grown up and moved on from the Dead Kennedys to…well, BR5-49.  The last three songs – “Are You Getting’ Tired Of Me”, “Hickory Wind” and “One Long Saturday Night” – are arguably the high points of the album, which is a nice change - usually the hits are early, which doesn't reward repeated listening.  In any case, I can totally imagine listening to these guys in a bar somewhere, and I still pick it up quite a bit.



Brett Dennen, “San Francisco” – 4 stars

Another free itunes download.  It’s not a perfect song – Dennen’s voice is…well, it’s a bit grating and affected.  But it’s a nice, tight pop song, cleanly produced and simple, played through a hipster filter that’s not annoying if you don’t think about it too much.  It’s also a good running song – it just shuffles along with a nice pace.  Def a keeper.



Bryan Bowers, “The Scotsman” – 3 stars.

I have no idea where this one came from, nor do I know anything about the singer, where it’s recorded, nothing.  And it’s nothing more than a novelty song…but it’s funny as hell.



The Brian Setzer Orchestra, “The Brian Setzer Orchestra” – 3 stars.  Keep it.

Let me start by saying that I LOVE the Stray Cats.  They were one of the first…oh, I don’t know…”unconventional” bands I ever loved.  Up to that point, my musical tastes were profoundly average.  Led Zeppelin, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Seger, the stuff that just about every teenaged kid in the Midwest liked in the early 80s.  The Stray Cats were my first left turn on the road to wherever I am now.

And I say this with complete love for Brian Setzer, but, well, his record is not good.  Not good at all.  That’s not really fair – there are a couple of good songs.  But the vast majority of it is utterly disposable.

Conceptually, it’s a pretty good idea.  Take a great guitarist (and Setzer is, clearly), put him in front of a big band, and you should get something like Cab Calloway or Louis Jordan or Joe Jackson on his big band record.  Something vibrant, and exciting, and barrier-busting, and fun.

Instead, you get Brian Setzer singing crappy ballads over too many strings.  Part of the problem is that he's doing what everyone does as they get older – they slow down.  Pete Townshend hasn’t done the windmill thing in 30 years.  Bruce Springsteen thinks he’s Pete Seeger.  Rod Stewart…god knows what that is.  The puzzle is what makes these guys think we want to hear them crooning plaintively.  I doubt THEY want to hear stuff like “A Nightingale Sang In Berkley Square” or “Your True Love”, why do they think WE want to hear it?

Again, this is kinda unfair.  There are a couple of really good songs – “Lady Luck” “Ball and Chain”, “Straight Up”, a couple of others.  And when it came out it seemed really fresh.  Now?  Not so much.  Now most of it seems stale and overcooked.



The Dirty Boogie – 5 stars.

The weird thing is that two records later he did this one, which is fabulous.  It’s so strange – it’s essentially the same band and is a similar mix of originals and covers, but it has a completely different tone.  It rocks, it jumps, it swings – and it still holds up.  Songs like “Jump Jive An’ Wail” and “This Old House” and “Let’s Live It Up” and…well, I could go on.  There are just a bunch of really fun, infectious songs here.

His cover choices are much better – uptempo Bobby Darin, Louis Prima, the Skyliners, but even his ballad-type cover choice of Johnny Farina’s classic “Sleepwalk” is a good one, particularly since it puts his guitar up front instead of the mushiness of his first big band record.  “You’re The Boss” has to go, since Gwen Stefani gives my hives, but that’s about it.



Broken Bells, “Broken Bells” – 4 stars.  Dig it.

And we move from old to new, to a record that the college kids I work with listen to.  It's a Danger Mouse joint, which means it's a collage (an inconsistent collage), but it's pretty good.  I had the Gnarls Barkley record, and I've had his Gorillaz record, but this one is better, beginning to end, than either of those.  It hangs together as a complete album than the others.



Bronski Beat, “Smalltown Boy” – 5 stars.  Dig it.

Bronski Beat, “Why” – 5 stars.  Dig it.

I heard “Smalltown Boy” before I saw the video, and I remember my first impression.  Haunting.    A falsetto voice over a driving synth track, it captured something that I hadn’t really heard before.  The video was more haunting – a young gay man in England, the victim of homophobic violence and discrimination, relives his life on the train to London where he will be accepted by friends.  It’s a remarkable video, from back when the best music videos were like mini films (I should say – maybe they still are.  I have no idea where to even find a video any more).  “Why” is in the same vein.  They are both great songs – what disco really can and should be.



Bruce Springsteen, “Born to Run” – 5 stars.  Dig it.

So, this project is based on doing the artists in alphabetical order.  As the last strains of an English gay anthem - “Why” - left my earbuds, I honestly had no idea what would come next…and I got the epitome of American hetero clichés, Bruce Springsteen.  Funny.

“American hetero clichés” is not a negative, by the way.  In some ways, those clichés exist because of Bruce, not in spite of him.  Bruce took some things that were bubbling about all over America – cars, working the factories, falling for the girl – and synthesized them in a totally new way.  Jon Landau famously wrote “I have seen the future of Rock and Roll, and its name is Bruce Springsteen,” and that must have seemed true at the time.

Hyperbole, of course, but true.  “Darkness On The Edge Of Town” and “Born To Run” both have to be considered among the greatest rock and roll records ever.  They’re not warhorses, either.  I’ve listened to “Born To Run” about a thousand times, and listening to it again, after a long hiatus…well, it still grabs me.  An amazing record, beginning to end.  Still.

Bryan Adams, “Run to you” – 4 stars.  Dig it.

A remnant of my sophomore year at Michigan…I was interested in a girl that loved Bryan Adams, to an almost absurd degree.  Kinda like girls of the 90s loved Richard Marx (and no, I have no idea where that came from.  Deep, obscure reference, but it stays).  The song makes me think of that year in the dorm, so I can’t delete it.



Buggles, "Video Killed The Radio Star" - 4 stars.  Dig it.

Funny that this is the last 'B' song - it's the end of a long, long line of songs…and listening to it now, it is a symbolic marker of a few cultural things, as well:  the end of album-oriented rock radio, the end of disco, the start of the MTV generation (it's famously the first video ever shown on MTV).

As songs go, it's an artifact, but still listenable.  A silly, disposable song that I'd probably delete if it was about anything else, but I still listen to it when it comes up on shuffle.  It stays.

And so, we reach the end of the Bs...a little over 700 out of 7300 or so total songs.  Next up the Cs, with some all-time favorites.

One of the thing I've passed over is the notion of Pantheon Acts.  Some acts and records are such an ingrained part of my life and the paths I've taken that it's hard to imagine them not being around forever.  At some point here I'll go back through what I've written and pick out a few to induct into the Matt Music Hall.  Or something...which reminds me, I've still got a Baseball Hall of Fame post or six in the docket, too.  And a post or three about podcasts.  And a few about RSS feeds, and the websites I listen to on a daily basis.  And online relationships, good and bad.  I also need to figure out how to embed links to iTunes so my multitude of readers can a) hear the things I'm talking about, and b) buy them all.

Sweet hell, I gotta go before I realize how much is bubbling in my head and I'm paralyzed into inactivity.  Latah.

Culling The Herd - more Miscellaneous B

See the original "Culling The Herd" post here.



The Bird and The Bee, "Rayguns Are Not The Future" - 5 stars. Dig It.

I wish I could remember where I found these guys. I came across a video for…something. Can't for the life of me remember what it was, a product intro or something. The backing music was this frothy slow groove of a dance record that just sauntered along and made me feel happy. As often happens, I was not the first person to watch that video and wonder who made the song - the comments section (usually a very, very scary place) identified it as "Polite Dance Song," by a group called "The Bird and The Bee." I immediately downloaded the whole record.

The first song - "Fanfare" - was…not promising. It's only a few seconds of synth, which I don't mind all that much, but…well, who do you people think you are, Copland? Really? "Fanfare?"

It turned out that I shouldn't have worried. The pretension of calling the first track "Fanfare" is quickly forgotten as soon as it ends. The next track - "My Love" - is an absolute delight, every bit as light and delicious as "Polite Dance Song," and the rest of the record is just as good. The high points - "Love Letter To Japan," "What's In The Middle," "Birthday" - are some of my favorite songs at the moment, and I find myself going back to the whole record again and again. Even the songs that I suspect won't hold up as well - "Meteor," for one - are really good once they get going. Buy this record.



Blur, "There's No Other Way" - 5 stars. Dig it.

This one has a really quick review:  It's a great motherfucking song. The end.



Bob Marley, "Legend" - 4 stars. Dig it.

My freshman year in college. I've finally found some cool people to hang out with. Randy and Ricky (yeah, I know, an unfortunate roommate pairing based on name) live down the hall, like to have a couple of beers, know some older guys that can buy. One night, we're just sitting around playing cards and listening to music, and Bob Marley comes on. I'm vaguely aware of him, mostly from Brad Winicki making jokes about how every album cover has Marley smoking a joint, but the music is really a revelation. Where I figured it was all drug music, it's so much more. Tuneful, soulful, catchy - it washes over me and I'm hooked. It's just. So. Good.

And it still is. Most of the songs, it should be noted, have become warhorses. I've just heard them so many times…but they still grab me immediately, unlike the Beatles catalog. I think that's because it feels like I found Marley on my own, somehow, while the Beatles were something I was supposed to think was great.

Everyone should own some Marley.



Bonnie Raitt

Oh, Bonnie. I had been hearing your name for years. Rolling Stone always loved you, but I was too busy listening to the Thompson Twins to get your stuff. Then I read that Don Was was producing your next record…but still I stayed away. Then you won a Grammy. And you had me.

"Nick of Time" - 5 stars. Dig it.

Yeah, Don Was. Of Was (not Was), "Walking the Dinosaur" fame. Don't judge me.  Anyway. So I bought the record.  It was fantastic, and it still holds up.  Part of it is her slide guitar work, always fluid and effortless.  The other part is that voice - also fluid, but throaty, and sexy, full of all the hard years that preceded its recording.  They were hard years - drugs, alcohol, historically bad relationships, critical success but commercial mediocrity - and this record feels like an awakening somehow.  The songwriting is great, as well.  She always had a knack for the blues, but here she only does a couple of her own songs ("Nick of Time" and "The Road Is My Middle Name"), both terrific, but she also shows great taste in covers.  John Hiatt's "Thing Called Love" is the most obvious example, but Bonnie Hayes' "Have A Heart" and, especially, "Love Letter" are great, too.  It's just a terrific record, top to bottom, and another example of the benefit of deciding to listen to every song I own.  A re-revelation.



Bonnie Raitt, "Luck of The Draw" - 4 stars.  Dig it.

I remember getting this record right after its release, and while I liked it, I couldn't help but think of it as "Nick of Time Part 2," and listening to the two of them one after the other, it still feels that way.  The guitar work, the voice, the clean production, it's all there.  But, while it's essentially the same group of writers (John Hiatt, Bonnie Hayes, a couple by Bonnie herself) the song selection isn't quite as good top to bottom.  The high points ("Something To Talk About," Good Man, Good Woman," Raitt's "Come To Me" and by the way, I say that phrase a lot, don't I?) are close to that of "Nick of Time" and sometimes exceed it.  It just doesnt' seem to grab me in the same way.  Another Re-revelation, though.



"The Bonnie Raitt Collection" - 5 stars.  Dig it.

I usually don't go for compilations.  I like listening to most music in the context of its entire album.  On the other hand, I don't listen to albums anymore anyway, so I probably don't know what I'm talking about.

Anyway - "Collection" is a great, great intro to Bonnie's output pre-Don Was, and it highlights what a kickass broad she must have been back in the day.  "Finest Lovin' Man", "Love Me Like A Man," "No Way To Treat A Lady" - they're all just fab.  The centerpiece of both this record and Raitt's live shows, though, is John Prine's "Angel From Montgomery," and again, it's a re-revelation.  Just an amazing song.

I'm SO glad I picked these up again.  Bonnie is awesome.

Baseball's Greatest Honor

When I was about eight, I sent a letter to my favorite baseball team, the New York Yankees, asking for sticker and an autographed picture of my favorite player, Bobby Murcer. These were simpler times, back when teams wouldn't try to get a couple of bucks for anything they could stamp with a logo. I would do this for many, many teams throughout my childhood, sometimes even asking for and receiving a t-shirt but also getting schedules, and magnets, and buttons. All sorts of stuff, and it's all, sadly, long gone.

I say this as a preface to the statement that I've been a baseball fanatic for as long as I can remember. My favorite book - and greatest birthday gift ever - was the MacMillan Baseball Encyclopedia I received on my 15th birthday. First thing, I highlighted the names of all the Yankees on the lists of All-time leaders. The Encyclopedia had all-time rosters of every team with years played but not on a year-to-year basis: it told you that Joe Dimaggio played for the Yanks from 1936 to 1951 but didn't have a straight-up list of the 1948 roster, so I would create one by cross referencing the all-time roster and writing them down by hand. With stats. As my knowledge grew deeper and as I started reading Bill James, I started taking that info and doing Runs Created calcs. And Offensive Win Percentage. And Approximate Value. I spent hundreds of hours playing APBA Baseball, only the greatest game ever invented...I replayed the 1930 American League Season and kept all the stats, constantly comparing them to the actual results.  Notebook after notebook, filled with columns of seemingly random numbers, meaningful only to me.

I wish I had all those notebooks, but my dad died, and my mom remarried and moved out of their house, and almost all of it was lost when she purged the place before she sold it. There's not a lot I hold against my mom, and I should have taken care of it myself, but all that stuff is lost to history. It deserved better.

Anyway. Baseball freak - and as you can see, a baseball HISTORY freak. The pinnacle of baseball history being, of course, its Hall of Fame (HOF), which it just so happens is one of my favorite subjects to talk and write about.

The next few years are going to be pivotal in the history of the HOF. The biggest big boppers of the go-go 90s and 2000s are coming up for election, and nobody really knows what to do with them. Rafael Palmeiro and Mark McGwire have already come up and been discussed, but they're just the harbingers of the REALLY tough decisions. So I'm going to spend a few posts talking about it all. And, you know, solving it.

So, first thing. Ground rules. In one of his Abstracts, Bill James wrote a discussion of how to decide on a HOFer, using a letter he'd received regarding Indians 3B Mike Shannon as a launching point (in those days - and today, come to think of it - there was precious little worth writing about when it came to the Tribe). He had oh, I don't know, 14 different questions that needed to be asked when it came to a potential HOFer. It was long, it was overkill, but ultimately its focus helped me frame some of my own thinking. To me, you can decide in just a few questions, in descending order:

1. Can he reasonably be put forth as one of the greatest players of all time regardless of position? (These guys get in. Period.)


2. Can he be called one of the best ever at his position? (These guys almost always get in.)


3. Was he ever considered one of the best players in baseball during his career? This one is more dicey. There are some guys who were clearly the best player in baseball at some point but flamed out early or late, got hurt, didn't do it long enough, etc.


4. Was he ever considered the best player in baseball at his position? Also dicey - it depends on the rest of the league during the era in question...there's the "giant in a midget colony" problem of someone like well, Mike Shannon or Joe Torre, but there's also the reverse question of Nomar going up against A-Rod and Jeter. Nomar won't make it for other reasons, but someone who is NOT the best in the league at his position can certainly be a valid HOFer.


5. Who are they like? This is one of my favorite conversations...if Craig Biggio is comparable to ten HOFers, then he should probably be in. please note that this is not a "if Chick Hafey gets in then Dave Kingman should too" argument. In fact, it's the exact opposite - if a player fits the typical profile, he's in, NOT a "he's better than the worst HOFer so he gets in." I'll expand more on this as we go.

Really, though, it's a gut feeling. Does Craig Biggio feel like a Hall of Fame player? Does Jack Morris? Does Bert Cryleven? I'm a stat freak, but I don't usually come down to that when it comes to the Hall.

Also, regarding rule 1, the "among the greatest of all time" argument: Pete Rose ain't getting in. Ever.

So there you go.  The class of 2012, coming up.

Culling The Herd: The BoDeans

Read the original "Culling The Herd" post here





The BoDeans, “Home” – 3 stars.  Hold it.

The BoDeans, “Outside Looking In” – 3 stars.  Hold it.

 

I had some misgivings about these and didn’t really want to listen to them again…I remember liking them quite a bit when I first got it (what?  15 years ago?  20?), but lately when the songs come up on shuffle I generally skip them.  They’re both typically described as “roots rock,” whatever that means.  Midwestern, I guess, guitar guitar bass drum, spare production, plaintive lyrically, all of which are fine but didn’t really fill me with anticipation.  Just my mood, I guess, not that I know what I mean by that.

But – and this is a nice byproduct of this go-through-every-song project – they hold up a little better than I expected.  Both have some terrific songs – “Home” has “When The Love Is Good,” “Good Work,” “Worlds Away,” and “Brand New.”  “Outside Looking In” has “Dreams,” Say About Love,” “Only Love,” and “What It Feels Like.”  All of those are definite keepers.  Some, however, are terrible.  “The Ballad of Jenny Rae” is a perfect example – melodramatic at the least, maudlin at the worst, it’s topped by Sammy Llanas weird, nasally voice that’s fine as a backing but unlistenable as the lead.  “I’m In Trouble Again” is a similar exercise.

So, the high spots mean that I keep most of them, but some of them get cut.

Culling The Herd: Miscellaneous B

Big Country, “In A Big Country” – 4 stars. Dig It.
Yeah, I know, they were a one-hit wonder, and it really doesn’t hold up all that well. But at the time, I liked it quite a bit. The “Sha!” yell at the front still gets my heart beating, and I just can’t dump it. It’s actually on my running mix, which means I still listen to it now and again.



Big Sandy and His Fly-Rite Boys, “Let Me In There, Baby” – 3 stars. Hold it.

I found Big Sandy during one of my forays into Allmusic.com, I think after I heard the Mavericks…or maybe it was a rockabilly / swing thing. In any case, Big Sandy is a nice, obscure little five-piece that’s never done much of consequence. But they have a nice sound, and Big Sandy has a cool voice. I used to have more of their stuff, but this is all that’s left, for some reason.



Big Star, “September Gurls” – 3 stars. Hold it.
Big Star, “On The Street” – 4 stars. Dig it.
Power pop god Alex Chilton (I think he may have actually had his name legally changed to that) started out with the Box Tops (as in “The Letter”), then started Big Star, a late, lamented critical darling. They made some nice records that nobody ever bought…but everyone who heard them started a band, or rather, some of my favorite bands (The Replacements, R.E.M.) count them as references.

And they’re okay records, but as often happens the idea of the record is not quite as good as the actual record itself. They don’t grab me the way they “should.” But “September Gurls” is a good song, and “On The Street” is better. Curiously, though, it’s almost better as the 1-minute theme to “That 70s Show” than as, again, an actual record.



Billy Squier, “Lonely Is The Night” – 3 stars. Hold it.
Billy Squier, “Everybody Wants You” – 4 stars. Dig it.
When I was a senior in high school, the gang of guys I hung out with spent Memorial Day Weekend in a trailer. Drinking beer, going out on a boat, wandering around trying (and in my case failing, as usual) to pick up girls. Someone had a boom box, and someone had one of those gigantic boxes of cassette tapes. Like, the 128-capacity case, with wheels and three separate doors on it that beeped when you pushed it backwards. A ton of music. I think Billy Squier might have been one of them, or it was on a mixtape or some such. So when we did our twenty-year reunion weekend (the very idea of which makes me feel very, very strange), I downloaded a bunch of music from that era, and Billy Squier was one of the artists.

See, I feel like having Billy Squier is one of those things I have to explain, sorta like when a terrorist group calls a radio station to take responsibility for setting off a bomb in a market square. The guy is some serious, serious eighties hair-band cheese…and the video he made for "Rock Me Tonight" is, in all likelihood the worst, most awkward music video I’ve ever a seen.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR0j7sModCI?rel=0&w=420&h=315]

It’s so bad that it colors my enjoyment of these two songs, which really aren’t all that bad. They’re not in the pantheon (well, obviously), but they’re okay.



Black Joe Lewis, “Boogie” – 5 stars. Dig it.
I have no idea who the guy is, or what he looks like, or if he’s ever done anything similar to this, but man, what a song. A Starbucks freebie, I immediately dropped it into my running mix and it’s stayed there ever since. It’s not much, really, just a fairly repetitive horn / guitar / drum riff with Black Joe (I assume he takes lead vocals, but have no idea) yelling out completely (and I mean COMPLETELY) unintelligible lyrics. It’s a driver, though. Great song.



Blake Babies, “Girl In A Box,” – 2 stars. Bury it.
Blake Babies, “Out There,” – 4 stars. Hold it.
Blake Babies, “Temptation Eyes,” – 5 stars. Dig it.
Blake Babies were a classic 90s power pop trio that I found on yet another Allmusic.com digging session, probably from Marshall Crenshaw to The Raspberries to Blake Babies (and further down the line to Juliana Hatfield ). They’re okay – as usually happens, the albums don’t hold up as well, but the high points are pretty high.

“Girl In A Box” is a pretty crappy song. Nondescript, whiney, too slow, it’s history. But “Out There” is pretty good. It takes a minute to get there, but the chorus (“There’s nothin’ to do / it’s so hard to talk to you / and people always do what they wanna do”) pulls it up from semi-sharp to anthemic. It’s just a good song. And “Temptation Eyes” (a cover of Soft Cell?) is REALLY good.



The Blasters, “American Music,” – 4 stars. Dig it.
I always like the CONCEPT of the Blasters more than their actual, you know, music. They have better songs, but this is the only one I have. I don’t listen to it very much, but I usually don’t skip it when it comes up.



Blondie, “The Tide Is High,” – 5 stars. Dig it.
Blondie, “One Way Or Another,” – 4 stars. Hold it.
I was never a huge Blondie fan. Not sure why – I think that I was still in “New Wave is Stupid” phase when they hit, and they were kinda already gone when I got there. Whatever the reason, they still don’t grab me…but these are two pretty good songs.



The Blow Monkeys, “Digging Your Scene” – 5 stars. Dig it.
Ah, yes, the Blow Monkeys. The summer that I lived in California, I spent a BUNCH of time on the bus to and from my job at Disneyland. What a summer…

…

Whoa, sorry. Took a little vacation, there. Anyway, that whole summer I listened to some crappy Los Angeles new wave station that played lots of Peter Gabriel, and Lone Justice (by the way…Maria McKee…mmm), and were the main source for every record that I bought for about two years. At one point, I missed my Michigan friends and put together a cassette for my dear, dear friend (and lone commenter) Paula, who my other dear, dear friend Jim had met and was getting ready to marry. I called it (the tape, not their relationship) “Exposed,” and it’s probably the high point of my musical life. I’m not even kidding. Paula and I had become friends through Jim, but I remember that cassette as being the cement that made us into Best Friends. I remember her telling me how much she loved that cassette, particularly that song, and to this day that memory makes me very, very happy.

So. Blow Monkeys. They just weren’t that great…I’m guessing that their lead singer went back to slicing meat or whatever he was doing before they made this record, but “Digging Your Scene” is always, always, ALWAYS going to be a 5-star song for me.



The Boomtown Rats, “Looking After No. 1” – 5 stars. Dig it.
The Boomtown Rats, “She’s So Modern” – 5 stars. Dig it.
Classic, wonderful, snotty punk music. I gotta be in the mood, of course, but it’s fab.



The Boxer Rebellion, “Flashing Red Light Means Go” – 2 stars. Bury it.
A Starbucks download, I think. When it came on my iPod I honestly had no idea what it was, but assumed it was some obscure U2 or Coldplay track and wondered why my alphabetical playlist had jumped to those guys. Then I realized it wasn’t as good as those guys. Then I realized that I don’t like those guys all that much. Then I hit “skip.” Then I hit “delete.”



Bill Lloyd, “Set To Pop” – 4 stars. Hold it.
I think Bill Lloyd is a “similar artist” to Marshall Crenshaw on Allmusic.com. And he is, on some level. “Set To Pop” is a pretty good power pop record. Sharp, quick songs, some nice hooks, and the high points are pretty good. “I Went Electric” is a terrific opener and would fit on any Marshall Crenshaw record. That’s really true of the entire record, actually – there are a couple of duds, and it’s way too long, at 14 songs, but on the whole it’s okay. Not as great as some of Marshall’s best records, but it’s alright.
One thing that doesn’t really make much of a difference to the record but is really annoying – in “Trampoline,” Lloyd opens with a snippet of some twangey, purposely tuneless guitar, kinda like if someone who didn’t know how to play guitar was starting the song…it’s too cute by half, but it’s only a couple of seconds. But they he does it again later in the album. Then he does it AGAIN. So weird. And annoying.



Billy Joel, “The Stranger” – 4 stars. Hold it / dump it.
Hoo, boy, I have no idea what to do with this one. I mean, Billy Joel eventually became a caricature, and some of the record really (REALLY) doesn’t hold up, at all, but as a late-70s singer-songwriter album it’s about as good as it gets. “Scenes From An Italian Restaurant” is a perfect example. Too long, overblown, melodramatic, but…well, it’s a great song. I’d like to dump the whole thing just on general principle, but there are still a couple of songs that have to stay: “Italian restaurant,” “Movin’ Out,” and “Only The Good Die Young” stay, the rest are gone.

Culling The Herd: Big Audio Dynamite

Big Audio Dynamite, This Is Big Audio Dynamite - 5 stars.  Dig it.

I was a couple of years late to punk music.  In high school I mostly listened to classic rock, or whatever was on WLAV at the time.  I remember hearing Kevin Arnold, my doubles partner on the tennis team, telling a girl that I liked that he liked "new wave music," and thinking that he was a dink because of it.  I was right - he was a massive dink - but not because of that.  I soon found my way over to new wave, though, and eventually punk.

I think my first punk record was The Clash's London Calling, a few years after its release, and I remember thinking that it was the greatest record I'd ever heard.  I was right about that, too...but discussion of that one is a few weeks off.  In any case, I immediately bought Combat Rock, right around the time The Clash were breaking up.

A while later, I was at a party with John and a bunch of people that I didn't know at all.  One of them had gone to school with a guy that was the center of the group that my MSU buddies ended up in, although I didn't know it at the time.  Everyone called him "Toad," although it might have been "Frog" (I always got it exactly backwards, and wrong), and he was completely scary and insane (kinda like his State friend), but he had GREAT taste in music.  It was late, and I was (go figure) drunk off my ass.  But This is Big Audio Dynamite came on the stereo and it completely blew me away.  I recognized Mick Jones' voice, but that was it - the rest was found sounds, spaghetti western references, drum machines, electronics.  Kinda like if you'd taken "Red Angel Dragnet" or "Overpowered By Funk" from Combat Rock and made an entire album out of it.  Loaded with hooks, it was the most original thing I'd ever heard, and I loved every minute of it.  Totally wore it out.

Now, 25 years later, it still holds up...mostly.  "Medicine Show" starts it off great and still grabs me as new and exciting after all these years, but "Sony" seems dated, if only because when it was written it seemed like Japanese culture was about a month away from taking over the entire world.  That and "A Party" are the only non-gems on the record, though.  It's still a keeper.

Big Audio Dynamite, No. 10 Upping St. - 4 stars.  Dig it.

...in which Mick Jones reunites with Joe Strummer before they realize that they still hate each others' guts.  It's a weird thing - I always thought that Joe was the one that wrote the strident, punk-ey yell-ey stuff and Mick did the hooks, but the best hooks on this one are the songs that featured Mick / Joe collaboration.  So, it turns out, I have no idea what the hell I'm thinking about.  But you know that.

In any case, it's just not as good a record as This Is Big Audio Dynamite.  It's good - and the high points ("Beyond The Pale," "Limbo The Law," and "Dial A Hitman," despite its too-long movie dialogue clip) are as good as the high points on the first record - but the low points are fairly low.  If Big Audio Dynamite wasn't one of my "pantheon acts" I'd probably cut a few of the songs.  "Ticket" almost always gets skipped, as does "Sambadrome."  But they stay, too.

Big Audio Dynamite, Tighten Up Vol. 88 - 4 stars.  Dig It.

It starts out really slowly - it seems like Mick is trying out some new stuff, for one thing.  The found sounds seem more pronounced, for one thing, but it also seems like he's working on stripping down the backing tracks.  "Rock Non Stop (All Night Long)" is a bad song - the lyrics are nothing more than a series of "let's party" cliches over a repetitive guitar line.  Things pick up, if slowly.  "Other 99" and "Funny Names" suffer from some of "Rock Non Stop"'s repetitiveness, but "Applecart" is terrific, a mid-tempo burn, and "Esquerita" bursts things into full flame.  "Esquerita" shows off a nice layering of found sounds as chorus counterpoint and cuts itself off before it gets tedious.  "Champagne" takes that momentum, pulls back the pace a bit, but extends to a more sustainable sound.  It was the close to side one, and as I listen to it, I remember thinking that I couldn't wait to flip to side two.  Ah, records.  I miss them so.

Side two (ha, ha) changes pace.  "Mr. Walker Said," "The Battle of All Saints Road," and "Hip Neck and Thigh" all take some of the lessons learned in side one and catalyze them into this delicious stew of too many movie audio clips, reggae-inflected vocals, and electronica that somehow comes together.  It's a delight, and a complete pleasure to relearn, after all these years.

Big Audio Dynamite, Megatop Phoenix - 4 stars.  Dig it.

...in which Mick Jones takes the gains made in side two of Tighten Up Vol 88 and overdoes them.  It's a weird record - too many (really obscure) clips, for one thing.  For another, the construction of the record sometimes feel like a lot of little ideas that aren't fully fleshed out rather than a few good ones that are fully developed.  "Mink Coat And No Manners," "Mick's A Hippie Burning," "Is Yours Working Yet" - all are short little bites of songs that a good editor would have dumped entirely but function as interstitials.  Unnecessary interstitials.  The high points are killer, though, songs as good as any that B.A.D. has commited to vinyl - "Contact," "Union, Jack," "James Brown," and "London Bridge" are fantastic.

Big Audio Dynamite, The Globe - 4 stars.  Dig it.

The Globe stands apart from B.A.D.'s other records for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that it's an almost entirely new lineup.  Don Letts and Leo Williams - the DJ and bass player (and major vocal players) from the original lineup - are gone, replaced by younger players who generally don't take the mike and leave vocals to Mick.

The results are mixed - the new lineup changes the approach, from shorter undeveloped riffs into longer extended pieces that sometimes go too long and over-linger.  "The Globe" is a good example.  The "WOO!" clip beats on and on until it becomes a separate percussion instrument and anchors the song throughout no matter how afield it goes.  But the song is over six minutes long and has at least two too many choruses.  It's a five-star song that still needs a good editor, like so much of B.A.D.'s output.

Mick Jones is a genius.  When he was 21 he and Joe Strummer made some of the most vibrant and tuneful punk music ever recorded.  That would have been enough, but then he added reggae, hip hop, electronica, and found sounds to that punk base and made something new and special.  He's 56 now, and, in all likelihood, past the most creative output of his career.  That's sad.  But the work he did - including most of his Big Audio Dynamite work - is something that I'll always love.

Culling The Herd: Ben Folds

See the original "Culling The Herd" post here.

I remember the first time I ever heard of Ben Folds.  It was a "Fresh Air" interview with Terry Gross, and the first thing they talked about was why he called his band the Ben Folds Five, even though it only had three pieces.  And no guitar.  I immediately decided that, while he was clearly a bright, funny, talented guy, I had no interest in his music.  It just seemed like he was...I don't know, making fun of me, or something.  A few years later, a colleague loaned me his copy of "Rockin' the Suburbs."

Ben Folds, "Rockin' the Suburbs" - 5 stars.  Dig it.

When I saw the cover, I thought "man, was I ever right about this guy.  Soulful black and white photo, v-neck t-shirt...OK, FINE, I'll listen to it."

And it grabbed me immediately.  "Annie Waits" is a perfect example - nice clean production, nice hook, and (most importantly) wonderful lyrics.  As I've listened to the record (yes, over and over and over), I can't help but think of Randy Newman.  He has an ability to adopt a persona ("Losing Lisa," "Carrying Cathy") and write completely convincing stories, just as Randy Newman does. Unlike Randy Newman, however, there isn't usually an undercurrent of cynicism and grumpiness;  on the contrary, his lyrics are often deeply, deeply affecting and emotional.

I used to work with a guy named Bill Kuiper.  Huge Michigan sports fan, wonderful golfer, funny as hell.  Probably the best friend I've ever had in the work world.  I was let go from that job a few years ago (now that is a story for another day, depending on whether I ever get the guts to do so), and we spent a couple 0f years emailing after every football game, sending along dirty jokes, the usual.  Then, as happens, we drifted apart for a while, before I sent him a cursory "hey how's it hanging" email.

His reply was a punch in the stomach.  He had been diagnosed with lung cancer, which he not surprisingly joked about.

We started emailing again, not about white blood cells or chemo but about who was going to take over after Lloyd left and whether we should go for a passing guy or a Michigan Man or whatever.  He thanked me, once, for not asking, and I never forgot that.

But it got bad.  We'd get the updates from his wife.  Bill was in the hospital for the weekend so they could drain his lungs.  Bill can't eat.  After a couple of years of this, Sondra emailed some of his friends and told us that, since their 25th anniversary was coming up, they were going to renew their vows at their family's cottage overlooking Lake Michigan.  We all knew it was going to be a going-away party - although he'd rallied a bit, it was still Not Good.

I hadn't seen him at all in the interim, and I was shocked.  He had lost a lot of weight, and his voice was ravaged by chemo.  But we still cracked each other up a couple of times, and the light was still in his eyes.  He offered me a beer, which I declined, and we had a talk about that.  The food was fantastic.  It was great.

As the sun began to set, we were called to the deck at the edge of the bluff.  Their pastor said a few things that I don't remember, the usual renewal-of-vows thing.  Then, one of their sons' friends stood up and sang "The Luckiest."

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

whew.

Ben Folds, "Songs For Silverman" - 5 stars.  Dig it.

...in which Ben continues his Randy Newman theme of adopting a persona and writing from that perspective.  Another gem of a record, all the way through.  The centerpiece this time is "You To Thank":

By the time the buzz was wearing off
we were standing out on the sidewalk
with our tattoos that looked like rings
in the hot Nevada sun

Kids piled high, our moms and dads shook hands
in a party of Polaroid friends
rented a pool and hired a band
Maybe they knew more then we knew
cause they danced and drank
while we jumped off the deep end

Oh I've got you to thank
for this

It goes on from there.  Things don't go as planned, doubts are expressed, but in closing Folds returns to the opening scene, reusing the tattoo line "and they won't fade."  These are, first and foremost, adult songs.  They express thoughts that all of us (well, most of us) about our relationships, about parenting ("Gracie"), about lost friendships, about our jobs.  Just incredible writing.

In "Landed":

Till I opened my eyes and walked out the door
And the clouds came tumbling down
And it's bye-bye, goodbye, I tried
And I twisted it wrong just to make it right
Had to leave myself behind
I've been flying high all night
So come pick me up...I've landed

Whew.  As someone who has been asked to leave, let me tell you - that's perfect.

Ben Folds Five, "Whatever And Ever Amen" - 5 stars.  Dig it.

His second album, and the last one I bought.  It's terrific, but if "Rocking the Suburbs" and "Songs For Silverman" are 5 solid stars, this one might be 4.75, rounded up to 5.    It's less polished, certainly, and it rocks harder.  The lyrics are not quite to the level of my other two albums, although "Brick" is right in the vein of "You To Thank" and "Gracie," emotionally evocative and affecting.  It's a great record, but I don't seem to listen to it as much as the others.  Still highly, highly recommended.

Culling The Herd: Beck

Read the original "Culling the Herd" post here.

Beck, "Odelay" - 5 stars.  Dig it.

My first exposure to Beck was the single "Loser," which my then-wife hated but that I loved.  It came out around the time that grunge was maturing, and the radio seemed to be filled with all sorts of Nirvana-esque dirty sound.  I wasn't a fan, but it didn't bother me..."Loser" took some of that dirty sound and layered a great sing-along hook on top of it.  A really good song that I don't have.

As a followup to  that, Beck released "Odelay," which took some of the sonic experimentation and layered hooks hinted in "Loser" and pushed them a step further.  Surprisingly, it holds up really well - "Devil's Haircut" grabs you right out of the box, and "Hotwax" continues it.  "Lord Only Knows" slows things up a bit, but the rest of the record continues the theme of layered, found sound - but always always always in the service of The Hook...and just about every song has one.  There are a couple of slower songs that I tend to skip, but in general it's a keeper.

Beck, "Sea Change" - 2 stars.  Bury it.

Sadly, the record Beck released 6 years and 3 albums later just isn't as good.  Beck is still, it should be said, really, really talented and deserves enough slack in the rope to do what he thinks works.  His instincts are generally good - but I can't help but think he needed a hard-assed producer to tell him to quit lagging and pick up the pace.  It's not a bad record per se, but it just kinda lays there.  We'll see a few more examples of this later, where an artist (cough...Marshall Crenshaw...) really needed someone to drive things harder. This is one of those.  I'm gonna delete it, with some measure of regret.

Culling The Herd: Beau Soleil, Ben Kweller

Read the original "Culling The Herd" post here.



Beau Soleil, "L'Echo" - 2 stars.  Bury it.

Another CD from the Columbia "Send the card in or get some crap" CD Club.  It's okay...I like live cajun music, but listening to an entire album?  Well, not so much.  And if I hew to my original purpose here - culling the herd blah blah blah - it's gotta go.  I don't listen to it, and I probably won't any time soon.

Ben Kweller, "On My Way" - 4 stars.  Dig It.

I like Indie Rock.  A lot.  When it's good - spare, stripped down, punky, literate - it's really good...but the key, ALWAYS, is the hook.  A nice clean guitar line, a driving rhythm section that makes your hips move.  You know it when you hear it.

"On My Way" is a good record.  It's got some terrific hooks - "Hear Me Out," "The Rules," and "I Need You Back" are great - but it also has some duds.  "Ann Disaster" kinda just lays there, and "Believer" and "Different But The Same" are pretty much automatic skips.  Those three are out, but the rest stay.

Culling The Herd, The Beatles

Read the original "Culling The Herd" post here.

I have no idea - none - how or why to write this one.  I certainly can't add anything insightful or interesting to the massive pile of writing about them.  They're all great records, and they're all keepers...but I rarely listen to them, if at all.  That's not the fault of the records, but they're all such warhorses.  I can't get anything new out of any of them.  So this one will just be a catalog of songs that I'm keeping.

The Beatles, "Rubber Soul" - 5 stars.  Hold It.

Keeping "Drive My Car", "Norwegian Wood", and "I'm Looking Through You" (yes, I know that this is a kinda unusual choice...I've just always liked it for some reason)

I'd also like to point out that "Michelle" is the worst thing The Beatles ever recorded.  I'm not even kidding about this.  It makes me want to smash my iPod with a hammer.

 

The Beatles, "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" - 5 stars.  Hold it.

This was one of the first 8-track tapes I ever had - I think one of my uncles was throwing it away, or some such.  I didn't have a lot of tapes, so I listened to this one a lot.  It's pretty great, still, and given the fact that it's really more of a song cycle than a collection of singles it's difficult to cut and paste this one.  So, I'm going to go against what I wrote earlier and keep the whole damn thing.  Even "When I'm Sixty-Four," which is classic Paul schmaltz and which makes me dive for the 'skip' button every single time it comes on.

By the way - Paul schmaltz..."Paultz"?  No, that makes me think of 70s New York Nets forward Billy Paultz.  "Schpaultz"?  yeah.  Maybe.  But I digress.

The Beatles, "Let It Be" - 5 stars.  Hold it.

Keeping "Two Of Us" (it's just a nice, hook-ey, pop song), "I've Got A Feeling," and "Get Back."

"Let It Be" might be the greatest rock song ever - seriously - but it just can't surprise or delight me anymore.  Sad, kinda.

 

 

Culling The Herd: The Beastie Boys

Read the original "Culling the Herd" post here

The Beastie Boys, "Licensed to Ill" - 5 stars / 3 stars.  Dig it / Dump it.

The 5-star rating here goes to one song - "Fight For Your Right To Party," which...well, it doesn't hold up too well but is just one of those songs that has to stay, just in case I want to hear it someday.  That happens once in a while.  The 3-star / dump it goes to "Brass Monkey."  I think I burned that because my ex-wife thought it was clever and funny.  She was, you know, wrong.

The Beastie Boys, "To The Five Boroughs" - 3 stars.  Hold it.

I remember 9/11.  I was at work and first heard of it from my old boss who had this annoying habit of getting slightly bugeyed whenever he said something that needed your response.  Between strikes on the towers (i.e. before anyone knew what was happening), we bumped into each other at the coffee machine. "A plane hit the World Trade Center," he said.  Bugeyes.  I think I said that I remembered reading that a plane had hit the Empire State Building during World War 2 and went back to my desk to surf cnn.com.  My reaction changed as the day continued.  Well, obviously.

I bring it up here because I could've sworn that this record was considered some sort of response to the attacks.  I've listened to it a few times over the years and always had that in mind - that this was an Important record, and I was therefore supposed to like it.  But my response has always been...lukewarm.  I thought that now, with some perspective on the attacks and after being reminded of 9/11 from all the 10-year anniversary commemorations over last few weeks, I might see it.  But I don't.  I like a few tracks - "Ch-Ch-Check It Out" and "3 The Hard Way" are pretty good and I'll keep them.  But "Open Letter to NYC" - the supposed centerpiece to the record - just seems...well, kinda lame.  Which bums me out, and I have no idea why.  Ah, well.

Culling the Herd: The B-52s

See the original "Culling the Herd" post here.
The B-52s, "Rock Lobster" - 5 stars.  Dig it.

I spent my sophomore year at Michigan exposing the group to new wave  and punk stuff that they hadn't really listened to much (at least, that's the way it is in my memory), if at all.  When I got there, I think most of the music was Motown and more-classic rock stuff...On the rare occasions that I got control of the record player, I'd throw in stuff like the Stray Cats and the Clash and R.E.M. and The B-52s...stuff from what used to be called "College" radio, although I would try to stay on the poppier side of the dial, just to keep everyone dancing.  Eventually, John would take that and go way, way beyond me to stuff like Husker Du and Nine Inch Nails, but for a while I saw myself as some sort of alternative music Johnny Appleseed.  Ah, youth, when your musical taste was unassailable, and your time was best spent evangelizing to the musical philistines.

"Rock Lobster" is a wonderful, delightful confection, a gimmick record that just so happens to have one of the greatest hooks ever.  That bass line...I defy anyone to listen to that opening and not start at least tapping their toes.  What a keeper.  The rest of the album is not as good, as I recall, but no matter.

I'm sorry to say that I don't have the "Wild Planet" album on my iTunes:  I still have the cassette somewhere, and it's dynamite.  I don't mean it has some high points, I mean it's spectacular from beginning to end.  I know I'm trying to cull things here, but man, that's going to be my first pickup when I get done.



The B-52s, "Cosmic Thing" - 5 stars.  Dig it.

"Cosmic Thing," it has been written, was kinda the last chance for the B-52s.  Ricky Wilson's death had torn the heart out of the band a couple of albums earlier, and while "Bouncing Off The Satellites" is not (as I recall) a bad record, things just hadn't been the same for a while.  "Cosmic" marked a slight left turn, and it's a fantastic record.  Don Was focused things, but most importantly the songs are terrific.  It's interesting that "Roam" was the first single, since "Love Shack" was such a monster hit.  "Shack" is not, for my money, the best song on the record, though - that would be...oh, hell, I don't know, "Bushfire"?  "Deadbeat Club"?  "Dry County" is such a wonderful song, with a great groove but with this languid evocation of sitting on a porch in the summer and drinking something cold.  On "Junebug," Fred Schneider sings a chorus of "whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa!" and it doesn't feel ironic, it just feels joyful.

I've been listening to this record for...let's see...22 years, and it still seems fresh.  Amazing.

Culling the Herd: Badfinger, the Bangles, the Barenaked Ladies, the Beat Farmers

Read the original "Culling the Herd" post here.

Badfinger, "Best of" - 5 stars.  Dig it.

When I was in high school, I joined the Quality Paperback Book Club, one of those "fill in the card or you get to pay for a book you don't necessarily want" things like Columbia Music Service, and I found some legitimately great books that way.  One of them was the Rolling Stone Rock and Roll Encyclopedia, which didn't pretend to be comprehensive but that hit the high points.  New wave and punk were still in semi-infancy, so it didn't catch many of my eventual musical obsessions, but it was good for hours and hours of skipping around.  Wait, Todd Rundgren was in a group once?  With who?  Well, where'd that guy end up?  And he produced a record for the Tubes?  Really?

allmusic.com was the digital equivalent for me.  I'd look up Marshall Crenshaw, see that the site referenced Badfinger as an influence, then go read all about them.  Then, since it was the digital music age, I'd go to Napster and download the high points of their catalog.  That's how I got these - "Come and Get It," "No Matter What You Are," and "Baby Blue."  Terrific power-pop songs, all.  Keep.

The Bangles, "All Over The Place" - 4 stars.  Dig it.

I loved this record when I lived in California for a summer.  I worked at Disneyland but didn't have a car, so I'd spend an hour each way on the bus listening to tapes, and this was a big one for me.  For one thing, it seemed to ooze California - the girls were all Valley types and gorgeous, plus there was this sheen of SoCal cool over the whole thing.  I burned the CD a few years back after it had fallen out of rotation for a few years, and it unfortunately didn't hold up as well.  I didn't even burn the whole thing...I did, however, burn "Going Down to Liverpool" and "Hero Takes a Fall", plus their best song, "In Your Room," from the "Everything" album.  The rest didn't make the cut.

The Barenaked Ladies, "Big Bang Theory" - 5 stars.  Dig it.

Let's just start by saying that I hate the Barenaked Ladies.  Which is weird.  On the surface, I should like them - they make smart, catchy pop songs, literate and littered with hooks.  Why wouldn't I like them?  And I think it's simple...they're not They Might Be Giants.  I love TMBG.  Deeply.  And it really, really, really bothers me that these guys - who I see as pale imitations of my beloved John and John - have achieved some major success, while my guys toil in relative obscurity.  None of that is true, of course.  Barenaked Ladies have made some undeniably great songs - "One Week" and "Pinch Me" are great songs - and seem to be genuinely nice guys.  So why do I hate them so?  Because I'm a small person.  Obviously.

Anyway - the "Big Bang Theory" is another terrific Barenaked Ladies song.  I loved the show and wondered if there was a longer version, hoping that it wouldn't be as good in a longer form.  Unfortunately, it's great, and I'm just kinda pathetic.

The Beat Farmers, "Karma Chameleon" - 4 stars.  Dig it.

Another allmusic.com find and Napster download, a cowpunk version of the Culture Club song - Country Dick Montana's voice could not be more different from Boy George's, and it's probably not pleasant for a longer period than three minutes, but for that long it's pretty great.  Keep.

Culling the Herd: The Avett Brothers

Read the original "Culling the Herd" post here.

The Avett Brothers, "Emotionalism" - 0 stars.  Bury it.

The Avett Brothers, "I And Love And You" - 0 stars.  Bury it.

I suppose that the die I've struck asks me to do separate reviews and commentary on individual albums, but I simply can't separate these two out.

And I can't describe how much I despised every just about single second of both of them.  They're both just so jam-packed full of earnest, ham-handed, faux-homespun self-importance.  Just about every song makes me want to go find someone and punch them in the face - and I think it's me.  The first song is a contrived little ditty that just drips with melancholia called "Die, Die, Die," and I hate, hate hate it from the moment the lead singer opens his earnest, sincere mouth.  The falsetto harmony (not unusual for these guys) makes it worse.  All I can think of is bearded, flanneled hipsters, with their ironic felt hats, crooning soulfully into their retro microphones.

I can't destroy every single copy of these records, unfortunately, but I can sure as hell delete them from my computer.  With extreme prejudice.